Let’s Talk About Dating : Men’s Edition

Happy labor day and welcome to a new month! The pace at which 2019 is moving is too fast for me. I honestly feel like it needs to slow down a bit. All in all, we thank God.

After, I did the 1st post on dating, which has received a lot of views since last week (thank you for reading and sharing), I felt the need to address this from a man’s perspective because I can only relate to women. I’ve been learning that the way that men and women think is completely different hence the need to have a man speak about dating from their point of view.

So my first guest writer is Amos, a friend and a colleague. When I read this piece, I told him that he needs to start writing poetry because his writing is on point! Thank you so much for agreeing to pen this on such short notice.

Over to you:

As distinct as our paths may be, we are all continuously forging towards a common destination characterized by peace, contentment and happiness as evidenced by our unremitting pursuits. Financial independence, good health, and a welcoming environment are among the key pillars of this goal. The road is often rough and mucky hence the need for a partnership with the person who holds the best of your interests at heart and is devoted to walk with you all the way. We ordinarily refer to these partnerships as relationships – achieved through dating.

While this post may not achieve at turning you into an instant guru at matters of the heart, every extra tip gained on how to approach love-unions may be the secret ingredient needed to rekindle the dying embers in your own, enhance the chemistry or spark up a promising one altogether. It is important to mention at this point that this is a special for the ‘boy child’. However, it won’t hurt if a woman took a sip of the concoction; as the helper she is, this knowledge is equally helpful.

Why an extra pill of the dose for the man, more so in his youthful stage? The man has been charged with a bigger responsibility as far as shaping the society is concerned.

1 Timothy 3:4 says that He (the man) must manage his household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive.

A common adage goes, “to whom much is given, much is expected.” It goes without saying that the man has more deliverable s than his counterpart – the woman and is blamed squarely when the society seems to be falling apart. Even more unfortunate, the very man receives less than proportionate praise when it’s clear that he has gone out of his way to ensure that societal effort has been exerted in the right direction. That’s just how unfair life is to male species.

With all fairness, man is most likely the cause of err when the whole process of dating is done wrong. The man is wired (rather believed to be wired) so that he’s more vulnerable to mistakes around relationships. I’ll break this down:

1. Redefined success: So many things come to play in the pursuit of success. However, over time, man has compressed these constituents to three (maybe four) factors: Money, alcohol, women and more women. As long as his trouser is sagging with petty cash, the bank statement is a cause of a smile and he can access his entertainment with increased ease, the man walks with his head high. With money, he knows he has power and the effect is particularly worse in a society thriving in corruption.

In today’s society men are profiled on the basis of the number of bottles of the good drink they can gulp down and still manage to trace their way home at ungodly hours.

The icing on the cake is the number of women a man has managed to bring into his inner circle. Those he can exercise his authority over and those he can call to his attention with a snap. Now, the moment a woman finds herself hooked to a man with such ambitions, it’s without doubt that the dating experience will be horrible sooner than later.

2. Insecurities: I stand amazed at the level of mistrust amongst men towards the very women they claim to love. At the back of the mind of every man in a love relationship is an unattended fear of losing their beloved one to another man. I don’t seem to ever come close to wrapping my head around these doubting Thomas’s who, more often than not, do not have an excuse – at the very least, for their actions. Nothing is left to imagination regarding men who have been heartbroken in the past by women they had entrusted their lives with. Such men tend to be skeptical and paranoid. Any man that fails to deal with his insecurities is doomed to fail.

3. Ego issues: I have been hesitant to discuss this point considering the many times I have fallen victim. The things that fill a man with pride can be shocking. Being single in itself is sufficient to make a man feel depressed. So, a man will convince a woman to be his lover not because he really was into her – No. It could just be because he has become too uncomfortable with every ‘man-talk’ that constantly ridicules him for being less of a man because he chooses to be single.

4. Seeking the thrill and adventure: Being in a relationship just to have a feel of what it’s like to have a woman is, unfortunately, another reason men date..

There are other reasons unique to men that get them into relationships that eventually turn sore after not so long. You know them, avoid them. If a man finds himself in depths of the pit of sexual sin, he won’t lack an explanation for it:

  • I’m going to marry her anyway – These marriages seldom happen.
  • Proof of love – That’s how he gets to confirm that she truly loves him.
  • Spice things up – After several movies, dinners, evening walks, road trips and trying out new recipes, he thinks that sex is the next thing on the list.
  • Fear of the unknown – What if I marry her only to realize she’s missing one thing or the other that is essential in the bedroom? He, therefore, considers just a one-off to settle his fears. It often becomes routine if not a one-night stand.
  • Her turn to reciprocate – Normally, the man is in charge of most things in a relationship from initiating it to paying bills. The man feels that sex is a way for her to return the favor.

Wrong has overstayed. We can change this old narrative and instead champion mature and informed decisions when it comes to dating. The question that then begs is, how do we right these wrongs? Not all may be applicable to you but I suggest the following in the light of 2 Timothy 2:22

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, live and peace, along with those who call on the lord out of a pure heart.

  1. FLEE literally – I advocate long distance relationships for people who are not ripe for marriage.
    1. Avoid too much privacy. Of course you need to keep some things off the public eye but you don’t want to be closer to the biggest temptation.
  2. Be faithful to one – Can men be faithful and stop ‘diversifying risk’? Yes they can and I’m a testament to that.
  1. Wait – This concept of patience must be alien in this ‘instant coffee’ and ‘microwave’ era. Remember, the sooner you start, the higher the risk of getting it wrong. (Read more on the art of patience here) .

When I read this, I must admit, I had a lot to say. But this is the part that I exercise wisdom and keep my mouth shut. So in case you were wondering what goes on in the minds of men.
I have been quite surprised by the large number of people that have read the 1st post on dating, which tells me that many people are seeking information on romantic relationships. All I can say is, ask the Holy Spirit to teach you on this things if you you have an doubts/questions.

Lastly, we’re coming to the end of this series and the last topic I’ll cover is on our relationship with God.

After that, we’ll begin a series on abortion. Yes, its time we addressed this elephant in the room. I’d like to invite those who have had abortions and later regretted it share their experiences with me. Its going to be completely anonymous so you don’t have to worry about your name being out there. If you would like to share your story with me, please email it to me on thepreciousgem@yahoo.com.

Similarly, if you have a friend who has had an abortion, please reach out to them and ask them to share with me their story.

Let’s speak out and save little babies from being massacred.

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