Lets Talk about Dating

Hello everybody! I Today, we’ll be delving into the topic of dating and I have to admit that I’m a bit apprehensive about writing on this.

However I’ll say this, matters of the heart are very sensitive and when it comes to who you date and eventually marry, let God lead you and order your steps in order to avoid making the wrong choices. Don’t allow your heart and emotions to lead you. Remember that the heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9)

Modern Day Dating

We live in an era where its very easy to find someone to get into a relationship with, it’s now possible to find someone via dating apps and social media. Dating has become a casula affair, something I must admit I’m concerned with. See, if you don’t hold something to high esteem, you will never value it and that’s what’s happened with relationships even marriages.  

II’d like us to be honest with ourselves: what are our motives for getting into romantic relationships? Could it be that:

  • I’m afraid of being alone so we seek out someone to give us attention by calling and texting us
  • I’m in it because of regular sex – probably the most common reason for dating
  • He/she makes me feel good and makes me happy.
  • The biological clock is ticking and I’m panicking (this one is increasingly becoming common among women my age)
  • All my friends are dating and I don’t want to be left out.
  • I want to get married so I need to get into a relationship
  • I want to have children with this person because he\she is attractive and I just have to have cute children or could be that I have children with this person so I can’t leave.
  • I need to cost share my bills,I mean the economy is rough and I can’t make it on my own. So I get into a relationship so that we can move in together
  • I need someone to cook and clean for me (mostly applies to men)
  • It’s good for my brand and people think we look good together- mostly for people in the limelight
  • I’m doing it for the gram!- I want to be “couple goals”

You’ll be surprised at the reasons that people get into and stay in relationships

But if we are to be honest with ourselves, all these reasons are selfish. They are all about me,myself and I. And it’s no wonder that relationships these days do not last;we are all in it for the benefits and till we allow God to deal with our selfish hearts, we will continue to have unhealthy relationships..

So if you are in a relationship for any of the reasons above I would urge you to take time of that relationship and really reflect. Ask yourself:

  • Is this what God wants for me?
  • Does this relationship glorify God or it just makes the flesh feel God
  • Am I truly happy?
  • Is this relationship healthy?
  • Am I growing spiritually or this relationship is distracting me from God and hindering my relationship with Him?

So How should we date?

It’s possible to do have a relationship that is based on the right foundation. As Christians, we don’t always have to follow the world’s way of doing things, we can choose to do things differently.  Just how can we do this?

By courting a fellow believer

Can we do away the word dating? Christians court, they do not date (quoting my pastor). I say this because courting happens with the intention of marrying that person while dating entails  playing games with another person’s emotions before moving on to the next relationship.

Most importantly, court a fellow believer who truly loves and follows Jesus. The reason is because someone that loves Jesus will honor you and will not go against God’s word especially on sexual sin.

This person should also push you to a closer relationship with God and be a person of prayer. If they are not doing this, you may want to think twice about that relationship .

Flee from sexual sin

Let’s be honest, many people who are dating are having sex outside of marriage, which is fornication. It’s not healthy for you or your relationship and If you’re already having sex with that person, please stop.

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality. 1 Corinthian 6:9

Sex not only clouds your judgement but it also leads to  soul ties that you’ll have to deal with once the relationship is done.

In case you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to get over someone you’ve been in a sexual relationship with, it’s because of soul ties that have to be dealt with (read more on this here)

Set boundaries from the start of  your relationship

Especially for ladies, learn to set boundaries at the start of your relationship. I’m learning that men respect a woman who has standards and not one that goes along with anything he says. If you don’t set boundaries, people tend to walk all over you because they don’t know what your deal breakers are.

For example, if at the start of a relationship you mention to the guy that you want to abstain from sex till marriage and he doesn’t respect that, walk away. Let no one lie to you that you will not find a man that’s willing to wait. In order to be able to set boundaries you have to know yourself which brings me to my next point.

Only court when you are ready

I got into a serious relationship when I was young and looking back, neither of us were ready for it. Would I have done things differently, oh yes but I learnt alot out of that experience.  Now that I am wiser (thank God) I understand that there is a time for everything. If you are a young person, maybe you are in high school, campus or even just gotten your first job, understand that in this season you are meant to be engaged your studies or growing your career and not getting entangled in relationships. . Get to understand yourself, discover your likes and dislikes, travel more, focus on your education and career before diving into a relationship . The reason for this is that as you get older, you become more clear on what you want in a relationship, you are more capable of making sound decisions because you are more in control of your feelings and find it easier to put your foot down because you don’t easily go with the flow.

It also becomes easier to set boundaries in the relationship when you’re older.

Don’t manipulate each other

Unfortunately many relationships today are built on manipulation.  Let me give you an example: a guy is friends with a certain girl but he secretly likes her. He knows that he’s not her type because as friends friends and she’s probably mentioned to him her “dream’ man and he knows very well he doesn’t qualify. Armed with this info, he does his research and begins to “transform” himself into this dream guys that she’s told him about and she falls for him.Soon they begin to go out. That is manipulation because he has used info shared with him in confidence to gain an unfair advantage. The fact that he’s also pretending to be someone he’s not all with the wrong intention is manipulation.

Same goes for women, please don’t get pregnant in order to get a man to marry you, that is also manipulation.

Always ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment to be able to stop such people (men or women) so that you can avoid them. Any relationship built on manipulation will never last.  

What are your motives?

We need to ask ourselves why we want to get into a relationship. What are my motives?  Are they right in the eyes of God? If you truly search your heart and find that you want to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons, its best to stay away.

Search me, God, and know my heart;test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting. – Psalm 139:23-24

Guard your heart

The bible tells us to guard our hearts because out of it flows the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23)

Everything you do is connected to your heart so stop giving your heart to anybody. Stop wearing your your on your sleeves, it will save you from a lot of heartache. Stop allowing your feelings to be your guide when making decisions regarding relationship.

Learn to yield your relationships to God so that He can spare you from a lot of pain.

Fall in Love Jesus

If you don’t take anything out of this post then at least remember this. Follow Jesus, and give Him your heart. He will give you so much love that you won’t have to seek it in any man/woman. He wants to shower His love on us and if only we would let Him He would pour it all out. He calls us the apple of His eye (Zephaniah 2:8) and all we need is found in Him.

Zechariah 2:8 English Standard Version (ESV) – For thus said the Lord of hosts, after his glory sent me to the nations who plundered you, for he who touches you touches the apple of his eye:

You want money, company, validation, love etc, it can all be found in Him. He fully satisfies and you don’t have to seek it in humans.

Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. – Psalms 146:3

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